Very Long Post--Asking for guy advice. Am I a bad person?

[CocoaButterKisses000]

Hey!
So I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read the entirety of this, it's pretty long and I just want to get it out and be as detailed as possible so I can get the best advice from my fellow lovely Guru Gossipers.
So, I met this guy last year, and in the fall we started talking. We kind of had a liking for each other and told one another but we were in totally different places so it didn't work out. I was very depressed at the time and I had things to work through that was messing up our friendship and what it could be. I was abused as a kid, and that just all came back and I had to deal with it, and I told the guy about it openly, and he told me about his abuse story. This was the first of its kind--the first time I had every told anyone about my issues and same for him. I had never felt close to a guy before, and he is a bit older than I am so even though he had girlfriends in the past he said he was the most comfortable with me. Overall then, things didn't work out. We went our separate ways and I decided to better myself. Instead of relying on the guy to tell my issues too, I found a counselor, made new friends and found new hobbies. Towards the end of my university year, I still felt a bit sad about what happened between us as I felt he got the wrong idea on my character being I was so depressed and clingy. So, I decided to message him. I seriously didn't care if he replied, I needed him to know what was up and that I wasn't some nut, but I was hurt. I needed to close that hurt in my life.

He replied and we decided to become friends. We like the same things and never got to know each other in depth before, really. He asked me to hang out and stuff again and I said sure, maybe. We sent each other songs and playlists and talked about movies and working with kids which is what we both do in the summer for work. It was awesome, and for once I felt like I had a true friend when something messed up. I used to feel so bitter about guys hurting me but it was different with him; I told him what I did wrong and what he did to hurt me and we got over it. I think I realized I only liked the attention he was giving me then, and I didn't actually know him well enough to like him, so I definitely don't now. We just know so much about one another that there is no sense in throwing that away, you know?

Last night I told him something personal about my mom, and he said he thought I was tough as hell and a genuine good person with good intentions. I thanked him and said I didn't want to be his charity case, I just wanted to be friends and I was excited to build that but it's tough because sometimes I feel annoying. He said he wanted to be friends too, but it's tough because "when he's with his lady friend she sees our long messages and gets annoyed and pissed." I understood I guess, but I wouldn't be liked that. I didn't understand why he didn't just tell her we were friends and explain everything but I realized he didn't feel as comfortable with her as he did me. He kept saying I was the "only person to this day" he ever told his story to "because I instantly connected with you and knew I could tell you" and I said that its not fair to keep things from her just to be my friend, and when they end things we can be better friends. I honestly said she seemed a bit middle school, and he agreed, saying that he didn't know what to do because he sucks with girls and girlfriends and he'd much rather be friends with guys and he was stressing because he wanted to be friends, and that "this is why I don't like girls" Instead of messaging me he suggested he call me every few nights and I said if he was going to have to hide our friendship I didn't want it right now. I said nicely I was worth much more than that and I'd always be around.

I said I didn't want drama at all, and I explained that the same sort of thing happened with me and my old friend Meagan before. Her girlfriend didn't like how close her and I were and didn't allow us to speak for a year until they broke up. I said it hurt but that's what was going to happen here sadly, and sure it wasn't fair but it was fine. He said she read some of our messages and got annoyed and I felt bad but I just told him that if he had to hide something from someone that it wasn't a good sign. I said I knew we kissed and stuff but I am in a totally different place now and I understand the situation and don't like him anymore and he hurt me in the past but I don't deserve to be confused about everything that he was obviously going to choose his lady friend over the 19-year-old girl he kissed once in a car and he simply said "I feel so guilty and shitty..."

I then said I'd always be a message away and I cared about him and stuff, but I didn't deserve to be a secret or feel guilty for talking to him and being close as friends like we want. He knows I am a virgin and I am not flirtatious and would never sway him away from her, but she doesn't know that and he won't tell her because it seems to me he doesnt want to get as deep as we were with her. Seems rather shallow to me but thats none of my concern.

What do you think of it? Why is he acting this way and is so guilty? Am I a bad person? I get him more than anyone, and he gets me it's a shame we have to end our friendship again, but am I doing the right thing? Should I say anything more? So many questions! Any insight helps though.

[CocoaButterKisses000]

Also, he referred to her as his "lady friend" which I would presume is his friends with benefits, piecing together the fact that he says he doesn't like girls and when things get dramatic he leaves, and doesn't know what to do. I am not up to date with this 2017 term stuff and I call it like I see it so am I correct? haha.