Can you ever get over your first love?

[hannahhhh]

When I was 15 I got into my first relationship and I was with him for 2 and a half years. He was my first everything and I loved him so intensely. Things got bad when we went to college and things just started to go wrong, there wasn't much spark left - well he did tell me he cheated on me! And we broke up.
We did consider getting back together but things just kept pushing is further away. He went to uni, I got a job and we just lost touch when we said we never would. So much happened between us and we always pulled through it. This however was different. We didn't pull through and it was over for good. 4 years later, I'm with someone else, he's with someone else, but somehow I can't stop thinking about him and the relationship we had. I check his social media to see if he's still with the girl, even though if he wasn't, I wouldn't even go there. In January 2014 we met up and he said that no girl he's been with in uni matched up to me, that he would always have something for me because we were each other's first love, and he made out that he wanted us to try and work something out and get back together. I saw him twice, slept with him and then he told me it wouldn't work out because he was at uni and that's the last I heard from him. I guess it just hurts that he said nothing he will have with another girl would come close enough to what we had. So why is he with that girl? I guess it shouldn't matter to me, I have a lovely boyfriend, but it just does. I'm jealous to be quite honest. Why do I feel like that? Will I ever stop thinking about him and everything we went through?
Can you ever get over your first love no matter what happened?

[Ventix]

I'm not sure anything I'm about to type is relevant, but we'll just roll with it.

Heck yeah you can get over him. Might take a hell of a long time, but it can absolutely be done. He cheated on you? He came running back, told you what you wanted to hear, slept with you and disappeared again? That doesn't sound like a very nice guy. That sounds like a dude who knows the right things to say at the right time to get what he wants. I understand how you feel though, I've been there, pretty sure most of us have. I think you're holding on to his words a little too much, remember - actions speak louder than words. He wasn't faithful to you. You don't cheat on someone you're in love with.

Think of relationships as a ladder - when you've been with him, really, how did he make you feel? Number it to 10. Then, how does your current boyfriend make you feel? Number it again. If your ex made you feel a 3 whilst your current partner makes you feel an 8, why are you still thinking about this guy?

I totally understand how you feel though, I still think about and check up on my first boyfriend from time to time - I absolutely hate him, so much it gives me energy, I guess though I'm just waiting for his demise I suspected he was cheating on me and caught him using dating sites. Couple those things with other shitty behaviour (hindsight is a beautiful thing, you don't see the shitty behaviour when you're in the moment), and now the only feeling I have for him is resentment. Maybe try harnessing some anger for him? It's certainly easier!

[hannahhhh]

I'm not sure anything I'm about to type is relevant, but we'll just roll with it.

Heck yeah you can get over him. Might take a hell of a long time, but it can absolutely be done. He cheated on you? He came running back, told you what you wanted to hear, slept with you and disappeared again? That doesn't sound like a very nice guy. That sounds like a dude who knows the right things to say at the right time to get what he wants. I understand how you feel though, I've been there, pretty sure most of us have. I think you're holding on to his words a little too much, remember - actions speak louder than words. He wasn't faithful to you. You don't cheat on someone you're in love with.

Think of relationships as a ladder - when you've been with him, really, how did he make you feel? Number it to 10. Then, how does your current boyfriend make you feel? Number it again. If your ex made you feel a 3 whilst your current partner makes you feel an 8, why are you still thinking about this guy?

I totally understand how you feel though, I still think about and check up on my first boyfriend from time to time - I absolutely hate him, so much it gives me energy, I guess though I'm just waiting for his demise I suspected he was cheating on me and caught him using dating sites. Couple those things with other shitty behaviour (hindsight is a beautiful thing, you don't see the shitty behaviour when you're in the moment), and now the only feeling I have for him is resentment. Maybe try harnessing some anger for him? It's certainly easier!

Thank you, this made so much sense to me. I guess I'm just angry that he's getting on with his life and career while what he did all those years ago still affect me. I have bad anxiety and low self esteem because of him. He completely crushed my confidence and I hate him for that. Like you, I just want to see his downfall when people realise what he's really like.
My current boyfriend treats me like a boyfriend should and I should start being more thankful to him instead of dwelling on my horrible ex!
Thank you for your advice

[Ventix]

Again, I completely get where you're coming from in regards to him moving on and things still affecting you - I have that with many aspects of my life. But, it just goes to show how fucking awful some people can be, that they can essentially grind you down to nothing and leave you a shell of who you once were, and just walk away as if nothing happened. Then you're left dealing with the consequences of how they chose to behave towards you. On the other hand, it also shows how awesome we are that we can deal with this shit

Glad I helped

[hellyeah]

When I was 15 I got into my first relationship and I was with him for 2 and a half years. He was my first everything and I loved him so intensely. Things got bad when we went to college and things just started to go wrong, there wasn't much spark left - well he did tell me he cheated on me! And we broke up.
We did consider getting back together but things just kept pushing is further away. He went to uni, I got a job and we just lost touch when we said we never would. So much happened between us and we always pulled through it. This however was different. We didn't pull through and it was over for good. 4 years later, I'm with someone else, he's with someone else, but somehow I can't stop thinking about him and the relationship we had. I check his social media to see if he's still with the girl, even though if he wasn't, I wouldn't even go there. In January 2014 we met up and he said that no girl he's been with in uni matched up to me, that he would always have something for me because we were each other's first love, and he made out that he wanted us to try and work something out and get back together. I saw him twice, slept with him and then he told me it wouldn't work out because he was at uni and that's the last I heard from him. I guess it just hurts that he said nothing he will have with another girl would come close enough to what we had. So why is he with that girl? I guess it shouldn't matter to me, I have a lovely boyfriend, but it just does. I'm jealous to be quite honest. Why do I feel like that? Will I ever stop thinking about him and everything we went through?
Can you ever get over your first love no matter what happened?

Yes, I absolutely believe one can get over a love. Whether it's their first, third, or 10th love.

First, stop checking his social media. It's gonna be tough but the less and less you look at his accounts the easier it'll be to move on. Eventually, you'll need to stop altogether. If you're friends on any of the accounts I friend him. That way you're not as tempted.


Two, stop sleeping with him. I say this because sex to females is definitely different than sex to males. I think when you had sex with him that got your hopes up. For him, that just got him laid. He might care about you as a person but after sleeping with him he turned around and told you he doesn't wanna be with you. Why put yourself in that position and give up yourself to someone who doesn't want you?


Third, he has made it clear, by verbally telling you, that he's not interested.

Fourth, you have a boyfriend. How unfair and sad for him that his GF (you) is pining away for some other dude. Be honest with yourself. Either you're happy with your current BF or you're gonna sit around and dwell on your past relationship. It's completely unfair to your BF that that's what he gets. But it's unfair to yourself that you are dwelling and thinking about someone who probably isn't thinking about you. People say lots of things they don't mean because they don't wanna hurt the other person.


I am not saying any of this to sound mean. Just my POV. I don't think things should be sugar coated when someone is asking for advice.



You absolutely can get over your first love. You have to allow yourself to. You may ha e to grieve first. Humans grieve the loss of many things. Jobs, divorce, death, friendships, pets, etc. Grieving isn't reserved for death. I'll tell you, I lost my dad to cancer and my brother to suicide. If people can move on, not get over, but move on from situations like that, then anyone can move on from a relationship. Give yourself credit. If you're on here asking this question then you know it's probably time to move on or at least start trying.


You never know. One day yalls paths might cross again. But by dwelling over this guy you may miss out on your next love.

Best wishes.


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[Cheeseandpickles]

Yes, you can get over your first love. Sometimes I think we miss the me we were at that point in our lives as much as the person.

Give your all to your current SO and your current relationship or end it until you are ready to be in a relationship again. I think this "first love" has made it clear he probably didn't love you as much as you loved him if he ever did.

[starlalight]

The best part is when you are over your first love, you have grown as a person and you realize that you would never choose them as a partner now, you simply are not compatible any more. Focus on your own growth and being the best person you can be and being happy in your skin and in your life. Until you have that, no one can make you happy. You have to make yourself happy first. First love is powerful, but it's usually rather foolish too. Grown up love that comes when you know yourself and are happy with yourself is way better!

[Dimerdzhi]

I also think that it's just unbelievable to forget about your first love! I wouldn't even try to do it. Just almost everyone saves old photos. Especially if it's good and these photos don't allow you to forget something.

[Angmar]

I also think that it's just unbelievable to forget about your first love! I wouldn't even try to do it. Just almost everyone saves old photos. Especially if it's good and these photos don't allow you to forget something.

When I was in love for the 1st time I couldn't think about anything else but my crush. And this feeling lasted for about 10 years. Even now I can recall my 1st love

[RioChio]

The theme of first love is so touching. But this is the purest unconscious love, which many do not understand and can not even explain later.

[auntiflo13]

I don't think you can. I met my first love at 14 - he was 17. We got engaged on my 16th birthday and planned to marry when I'd finished college and began nurse training.....I was so busy trying to pass my exams and he felt neglected. He messed up and was unfaithful. I was 18 when we split. He stalked me for 6 months - trying to persuade me to take him back. I got into a relationship with another guy for 9 years - we bought a house together. We were quite happy but I couldn't stop thinking about my first love. The guy I lived with became more like a brother to me ....We broke up and I moved back to my home town.

I worked with a woman who knew my first love....and she said he never got over me or got married but, she didn't know if he was in a relationship. We got back in touch and had another relationship for 6 months.....the spark was still there ....it was electric....the year 1999, I was 28 - he was 31 at the time. He always came to my place to meet up....I was never invited to his. I found out he was living with this young woman. I was floored.... he was still deceitful !

I dumped him - but, he kept phoning me and following me. A few months later, I met another guy who I fell in love with....there was no 'spark' - I didn't get butterflies in my stomach like I did with my first love. However, we have two children together and have been together 21 years - married for 18 years....He's is faithful and always has been.

My first love sent me a friend request about 5 years ago on fb.....I accepted. He said he still hadn't married but, was still with the woman he lived with when we met up again in 1999. He also has two children - a similar age to my two. On FB, it was obvious he was a 'player' still and was being unfaithful to his partner. I sent him a piece of my mind in a long message....he became angry with me and I blocked him. He even had the nerve to phone my late mother, saying how much he loved me still and he's been searching for years to find someone like me - hence the track record of being unfaithful. My mum did point out at the time that he had the chance to have me back but, he said he couldn't bear to kick the woman out that he was living with. as he was scared of her father.

I have since heard that he split with the mother of his children after having yet, another affair! I'm surprised his bits haven't shrivelled up and fallen off by now....As far as I know - he lives less than a mile away from me. I haven't seen him in years but, I do dream about him...... I would never be unfaithful to my husband ...I took my marriage vows seriously. Should anything happen to my husband (he's 10 years older than me and has health issues), I don't think I could ever have my first love back .....I just don't trust him......

If he hadn't messed up when I was studying ....who knows....we might have been married for years and had children. My late mother used to say I'd dodged a bullet. She imagined me raising children with a guy who couldn't keep his pants on!

[babycathy]

I still miss Cathy

[RioChio]

Oh, calm down. You will have many more relationships.

[Tttttrassh]

Get over it? I mean yeah it was a while ago. What bothers me more is it was by far the most developed, intense relationship I’ve had, and it was 30 years ago.