My friends ex wants to date me and I feel bad??

Post by **Kailee4567** » Thu Nov 26, 2015 6:59 pm

Hello! I used to work with a girl, [18/F] and we were nothing more than close work friends. We don't work together anymore, and never see Eachother or talk unless I text her first to see how she is doing in life. She dated her high school ex for the last two years of high school, and would tell him about me a lot because I would always help her out and take her shifts. He told me, it caused him to want to be my friend, and he even stood up and defended me against my ex when he was harassing me, and my friends ex didn't even know me at the time. My friend and her EX brokeup in July, and hate each other now, but I never went into specifics. My friend has a new boyfriend and it's getting quite serious. The ex seems over it too, and has tried to move on since, but the relationship afterwards was abusive and I started becoming his friend because he defended me against an abusive ex, and I helped him get out of it. I asked my friend if I could be friends with the ex, and she said yes and thanked me for being there for him. He really likes me, and asked me to hangout and I asked my friend if it was okay, and she said yes, and that she didn't care what he did or who he did it with she was glad I made him happy. I have yet to hangout with him though, because I know he likes me. He's told me a lot and tells me he wants to date me and id be a great girlfriend. I said the truth many times, that i don't want to hurt my friend, and I want to wait until a I graduate high school and go to university, and move three hours away and by then it'll be a year after the breakup and we can see if he still likes me then, because I am somewhat interested. Definetly interested in a friendship. And he agreed and I didn't feel like I was ready for a boyfriend. Part of me feels like an asshole though, knowing he likes me and he's my friends ex. And we met through her. Even a year later if we chose to date, they dated for two years and it was rocky and didn't end upwell, I don't know how to feel about the idea and I don't want to hurt anyone. Should I steer clear? Or when the time comes ask the friend if it ever comes up again? Am I a bad person?

Post by **OutOfStep** » Fri Nov 27, 2015 8:39 am

you friend said yes, your friend moved on, your friend was a coworker.

if everyone is alright with this and all the signs point towards it, there is no reason for you to make imaginary rules to hold you back.

you sound like the kind of person who puts others before her and that's really beautiful, but you have to learn that there are situations when everyone is fine and you don't have to rescue or be there for anyone but yourself.

go for it

Post by **starlalight** » Mon Nov 30, 2015 10:03 pm

Kailee4567 wrote:Hello! I used to work with a girl, [18/F] and we were nothing more than close work friends. We don't work together anymore, and never see Eachother or talk unless I text her first to see how she is doing in life. She dated her high school ex for the last two years of high school, and would tell him about me a lot because I would always help her out and take her shifts. He told me, it caused him to want to be my friend, and he even stood up and defended me against my ex when he was harassing me, and my friends ex didn't even know me at the time. My friend and her EX brokeup in July, and hate each other now, but I never went into specifics. My friend has a new boyfriend and it's getting quite serious. The ex seems over it too, and has tried to move on since, but the relationship afterwards was abusive and I started becoming his friend because he defended me against an abusive ex, and I helped him get out of it. I asked my friend if I could be friends with the ex, and she said yes and thanked me for being there for him. He really likes me, and asked me to hangout and I asked my friend if it was okay, and she said yes, and that she didn't care what he did or who he did it with she was glad I made him happy. I have yet to hangout with him though, because I know he likes me. He's told me a lot and tells me he wants to date me and id be a great girlfriend. I said the truth many times, that i don't want to hurt my friend, and I want to wait until a I graduate high school and go to university, and move three hours away and by then it'll be a year after the breakup and we can see if he still likes me then, because I am somewhat interested. Definetly interested in a friendship. And he agreed and I didn't feel like I was ready for a boyfriend. Part of me feels like an asshole though, knowing he likes me and he's my friends ex. And we met through her. Even a year later if we chose to date, they dated for two years and it was rocky and didn't end upwell, I don't know how to feel about the idea and I don't want to hurt anyone. Should I steer clear? Or when the time comes ask the friend if it ever comes up again? Am I a bad person?

It sounds like you are being wise and smart not getting involved right away. He is relatively new to being single and there are so many things that happen growth wise when you get out of high school, it's good that you give yourself a chance to experience them in University while you are single. If the relationship is meant to happen it should stand the test of time and it will give you two lots of time to get to know each other as friends and see if you are compatible for more later.

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