Overcoming Cheating

[eahyp7]

I was in an on-again, off-again relationship for about a year a half. We had just moved in together and he was about to propose to me when I found out he cheated on me multiple times with his crazy ex girlfriend. It was one of the most painful things for me to find out. I went through his phone records and saw they texted each other every single day for almost our entire relationship. I was heart broken.

He has a bad past with drugs and drinking and bad decisions and always said I was the best thing that ever happened to him because I accepted him and helped him overcome his issues. I'm sure I made mistakes, but I honestly and truly think I was an amazing girlfriend to him and there's not much I could have done to make him not make the choices with his ex that he did. I talked to him after we broke up and he told me that I was so "perfect" and so good to him which he wasn't used to (his ex is seriously mentally unstable and crazy) and because I was so good to him, I scared him and he didn't think he deserved me and thinks that is why he did what he did.

It's been about 8 months since we broke up and I've dated two different guys since then casually. I'm just not sure what will happen when I get in another relationship. I feel like I will have so many trust issues and insecurities. I don't want to be damaged. I already had trust issues with people before and I'm so scared it will be so bad once I actually start dating someone again. Does anyone have any advice on what can help me over come my cheating experience? Because it was so traumatic, shocking and heart breaking.

[SmileyXo]

I think the best thing to remember is that if you keep reliving your past, how will you get to the future? Meaning, let the past enhance you as a person but never let it overcome yourself. I'm sorry if it all sounds like a mush of words, but I think that when you find the right guy, he will be honest with you. It's important to remember every one is different, and your past experience has made you a stronger women. I know my advice isn't the best, but all I can say is remember to give every one a chance, because each individual is different and just because one guy ended up misusing your trust, doesn't mean they all will.
Good Luck & Stay Strong

[lostintranslation]

I went through almost exactly the same thing about 3 years ago, and I've been in two serious relationships since then, and to be honest, it isn't easy. In principle, you have to remember each person is different and they're probably not a cheater, but on the face of it you've been hurt beyond words and you can't just forget that. The only bit of advice that's ever worked for me is to remember if you can trust yourself not to cheat in a relationship, it's only fair to trust your partner in the same way. Believe me, I'm far from healed, I'm still wounded but as the days go by, and you start enjoying their company more, your past starts to move to the back of your mind. It's not going to be a quick process, but as long as you give each guy a fair chance to prove to you he's not like your ex, you'll be rewarded in the long run. I really hope you find some way to overcome it, I can dish out advice til I'm blue in the face but it doesn't really work on me! Like Smileyxo said, stay strong and good luck

[Ashley]

I am so sorry you went through that experience. I have been cheated on and it breaks your trust completely. All I can say is to casually date. And one day, you will meet someone that will help you with your trust issues, accept the past, and help you move forward. It just takes that one person.

[Clemence]

What he told you:

and because I was so good to him, I scared him and he didn't think he deserved me and thinks that is why he did what he did.

is a big fat lie. It was just an excuse for cheating on you. Scared him? That's honestly BS. He did what he did because he had no respect for you. If you 'scared him' then he would try his best to meet your standards and be the best boyfriend he could be. Or simply talk to you about any insecurieties about himself. But instead he meets with his ex girlfriend. And is she really 'crazy' and 'mentally un stable'? He seems to be just as crazy as her for coming up with some stupid excuse about cheating on you. Don't feel sorry for him at all. And it's best you move on from him soon.

Truth is, most people in this world are cheaters and lack morals and ethics. At least, by my experiences. And this goes for both men and women. Also I've been hurt so much I just gave up. This past semester I rejected 4 guys. I am just not having any of it. I am the type of person who gets attatched to someone and I'm loyal. I don't deal with break ups whether it be a boyfriend or a close friend. So if you're the type who gets attatched too, maybe just not date? You don't necessarily need a new boyfriend to move on. Time heals things.

[Brownz2]

I just want to put this out here to protect women from Abdul edit. There is a reason you started looking him up… Trust your gut feeling!! Girl, protect yourself and run as far as you can from this awfully disgusting person. This person is awful, a liar, a cheater and very manipulative. So many women were treated badly and he continues to do so… lying and cheating. Girls pleade protect yourselves, I have warned you.

Edit last name and IG per GG rules. Tar, Site Admin

[clrkimberly]

This is quite controversial, cheating hurts the soul and that doesn’t heal so fast in most cases .


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[Kerrbear2001]

I have learned the hard way over the last week that trusting your gut is so important. Just wished my gut had kicked in sooner. I was married to my husband for 8 years and together for 14. And last week found out that he (56) prefers girls around 12-15. And this started before we were even married. I have three daughters (grown now) from a previous marriage and thankfully he never touched them. But bigbhasbhe managed to screw this family up. My gut told me check his stuff he is cheating. And boy now I wish that’s all it was. He was cheating as well though. 14 years wasted and now I am starting over at 53. Man this is not what I had planned. But away I go planning my life and my adventures and hopefully he gets the hell he needs to salvage his life.