Perfecto, baybee!
How old is Sam?
She claims to be 29 as of 2014.
Where is she from?
She is from England, I guess. As a kid, at least. Her actual citizenship is unsure (UK vs US).
What's her claim to fame?
Sam states she is a hairstylist and makeup artist. Nothing shown to back this up, and she lacks even rudimentary skills in skin and hair.
What the heck is her problem?
All we can go by is what she says and does. She has stated she has anxiety and depression. She has filmed herself huddled and crying on the floor of her closet. When Jay asked for constructive criticism on his Facebook page to help make their vlogs better, Sam came unglued for some time, per Jay's comments and Sam's eventual discussion of it. When she has to travel for "work," she stays in touch with "Dah-dee and the babies" non-stop, and still agonizes and complains whenever she is away from them.
Re: her self-proclaimed makeup guru role - Sam's lack of hygiene is usually what people notice first. Her brushes and makeup are dirty, she sleeps in her makeup, she has extremely oily skin, she picks at her pimples with dirty fingers, they sleep on filthy sheets, etc. Then she blames makeup products for "breaking her out." Her hair is no better. She spends $$$ to have her hair professionally done, then decides she doesn't like the color, cut, or both, then starts re-coloring and snipping away at it herself. Generally, her hair is greasy, unwashed, and uncombed.
What's Sam's connection to Warriors in Pink?
Sam was chosen as a representative this year and given the use of a Ford Fusion and free gas and insurance for 2014, in return for representing the charitable organization throughout the year. She and her husband were to place a number of small and large breast cancer awareness decals on the car. As of late 2014, it appears they only put on a sticker or two. The extent of Sam's ambassador efforts for breast cancer awareness consisted of dying her hair pink, getting a pink manicure, and modeling Warriors in Pink clothing. Her lack of enthusiasm for the project coupled with she and her husband's greed for the new car, caused quite a bit of controversy. In the last couple of months, in fact, we've only seen Sam driving the car rather than her husband Jay.
What is Sam's connection with Invisalign?
Sam has horrifically crowded, crooked teeth. Somehow they got a dentist in Canada to provide free Invisalign treatment for Sam. She flies to Canada every month or two for this, and wears Invisalign trays. She calls herself the spokesperson for Invisalign, however, this is an overstatement.
Any other affiliations?
Nokia sent the family on a cruise, which provided many groans and Lulz on GG. Sam was instructed to use the experience to promote the Nokia Lumia, sharing photos and demos along the trip. She didn’t. Nokia noticed.
Sam and Jay are always in search of sponsors, and pimp out every blog post, vlog, and Tweet with hashtags of companies they want to endorse them. Sam shouts out to well-known YouTubers regularly. Rarely gets noticed back.
Sam's family:
Michael "Jay" Schuerman, age 33. Jay is a controversial character with a strong personality. He quit his job to stay home and "focus on YouTube" full time, however he can generally be seen eating, talking about eating or sex, hiding his feet (no, really. this is a thing), or lying on the living room couch or floor. Their views and subscribers have dwindled since Jay became a constant presence in the videos.
Jay is estranged from most of his family, including his mother and brother. They visit GG to keep up with the Schuermans, and seem genuinely nice. Ironically, as badly as Jay thirsts for fame, his mother is more well-known and successful than he is.
Jay's mother is Kim Ovard, an activist for animal rescue in Texas. Kim runs Tugg’s Pink House of Wuff, a non-profit rescue. She and her dog Tugg the Bull Terrier (https://www.facebook.com/TuggBullTerrier) were on the Rachael Ray TV show in the Fall of 2014. She and her husband have a listing here: http://www.ingenuitytalent.com/#!super- ... imals/ca3i.
She works hard for a good cause.
Jay has a small but rabid following of ladies who flirt with and praise him on their YouTube channel and his Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram accounts.
Jay struggles with weight and food issues. He halfheartedly goes on fitness kicks, which are chronicled on his blog at jayschuerman.com. He invariably gives up and defaults back to inactivity and eating in excess. He consumes huge amounts of fat and sugar, hides candy, and even his diet foods are in excess. He was heard ordering 7 Splendas in a regular sized coffee. Jay’s blog is written at an elementary school level and is hilarious reading, especially when he talks about “cheat days” with food.
Jay’s GG nicknames: Ham, Hambeast, Moist Ham, Pelt-necked Ham, Jobless, Jobless Jay, Pig, Poopy Pants, more. We don’t know his GG username
(can someone make a post elaborating on how he got these nicknames?)
Fun fact: during Jay's most recent "fitness journey," he indulged in shaving his body, self-tanning (on the couple's white bedsheets - his imprint stayed visible for weeks on the unwashed sheets), and drawing on ab muscles to make himself look "swole," Jay's term for "muscular."
Education: Despite his vigorous efforts to evidence the contrary, it is unclear if Jay completed high school, let alone went to college. This is also true of Sam, and includes no evidence of training as a hairstylist/makeup artist. Their interests are limited to TMZ topics, reality TV, food, and shopping.
Children:
Phoenix (P, Mr. P, Beautiful, Angel, BeautifulAngel, AngelFace, Princess P) is three years old.
Lily (Lil, Lilybug, Miss Miss, Miss Lil) is two years old.
Neither child is potty trained. Sam stated that she still breastfeeds both of them. Phoenix appears to struggle with sharing everything from his toys to his mother's lap with his little sister. Lily recently had a mild head injury when, playing alone with Phoenix, she somehow fell out of their indoor bouncy castle and hit the window sill on the way down.
Siblings:
Sam has a sister named Christiana Scott, whom she calls "BS" or "Baby Sistor" [sic]. BS periodically moves into the Schuermans basement when she is between relationships.
She also has a brother named Brad who lives in AZ.
Parents:
Sam's mother passed away from breast cancer when Sam was 14. Her father Jon is remarried to a woman named Shelli, and they live on a ranch with horses. There is something amiss between the Schuermans and the Scotts, with Sam complaining about having “no family in the area to help them,” the families going months with no contact or mention, etc. No information as to what went wrong. The families occasionally gather for family dinners, and seem to enjoy themselves.
Other family:
The Schuermans regularly visit Jay's uncle Rob, often staying for long periods of time after arriving unannounced.
Pets:
“Moo” is an elderly toy poodle. Her name is actually Pixie, but they call her Moo or Mooshie. Moo is best known for her worn-out, stained purple stuffed bear, which she humps incessantly. The Schuermans never shy away from showing the humping in their vlogs. Jay even did his own “air-humping” dance in his boxer shorts, in front of both children, at the beginning of a 2014 vlog.
Kittens: Tiddles (sp?), Peppa, and Silverado. Rescue kittens purchased as a set when the Schuerman Show ratings dropped. As of November 14, 2014, all three cats have been spayed or neutered, and are still in the home.
Okay, GGers, can other members (who probably can be more detailed and accurate – I’ve only been watching since Phoenix was born) put up posts on:
-The Swiss Cheese Palace – do they really live in a double wide?
-Nicknames – who is called what by GG members, and why? (ie, what is a “Pelt Neck” lol)
-The Schuerman’s diet – slop, glorious slop
-Scams and lies they have been caught in
-Concerns about the kids
-Musings about how they really support themselves – food stamps? Gift cards?
-Great Moments in Schuerman Show History
-Sam’s various meltdowns and their brief period of “Quitting YouTube because of you bullies.”
And anything else you think should be in a FAQ? What do new members need to know or ask frequently?
Keep in mind, the Schuermans clearly read here – maybe they can fact-check us!
